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  • Writer's pictureJennifer Watson

Kickboxing and Shadow Self...

Tuesday, 5:00AM [alarm rings]

5:22AM [drag myself out of bed]

5:35AM [put on workout clothes]

5:42AM [drive to I Love KickBoxing]

5:49AM [get out of car]

5:51AM [put stuff in my locker]

5:55AM [put on wraps]

6:00AM [class begins]

And then it's fifteen minutes of grueling conditioning (think jogging, squats, burpees, planks, push ups, etc.) followed by eight 2-minute kickboxing rounds, and then a speed round followed by another three minutes of conditioning. And finally - blessedly - stretching.

60 minutes of kickboxing torture...mostly in a good way.

But this morning every part of me from the moment I wake up is saying on repeat [in a very whiny voice]: "I DON'T WANNA. I DON'T WANNA. I DON'T WANNA."

Today I really don't wanna.

But somehow I do.

My Inner Athlete gives me the kick in the butt I need to get going...even if it's not with my usual energy level.

I don't know why I'm feeling so much resistance this morning, but I am.

This evening - after a full day - I sit down in my studio to work on creating my upcoming "SoulCollage® & The Art of Darkness" workshop when a funny thing happens...

That whiny voice from this morning shows up again:


What the heck?

This doesn't usually happen when I plan workshops. Usually I'm pretty excited to be planning a new workshop.

So I sit at my writing table for a while trying to figure out why I'm feeling so resistant.

Then I pull out my notes from Debbie Ford's book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. As I peruse the quotes I copied down in my notebook, this one jumps out at me:

When we come face-to-face with our dark side, our first instinct is to turn away...

It hits me: This morning I didn't wanna because I was going to come face-to-face with using my not-so-great knees and my bum foot and my tired body for 60 hard minutes of kickboxing. I woke up TIRED so I just wanted to turn away.

And, likewise, "I don't wanna" this evening because it means dealing with something serious: MY shadow selves. I realize that can't help others with their shadow selves if I don't take a good look at my own.

There's that voice again... I DON'T WANNA.

Resistance! My first instinct is to turn away. Maybe yours, too, when you think about examining your dark side?

But then I look back at my notes and out pops this amazing quote:

We can't have the full experience of the light without knowing the dark. The dark side is the gatekeeper to true freedom.

So I grab my SoulCollage® deck and start pulling out my shadowed parts cards. And as I sort through my cards I realize that it's all good - these parts of me - just like my not-so-great knees and my bum foot are useful and can be helpful when I need them to be.

If I can do 60 minutes of kickboxing at 6:00AM, then I can do this, too.


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